So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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