Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
