i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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