I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
