i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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