I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
