Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
