On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
