either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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