her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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