Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
