U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I die, sorry about rent.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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