dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
