You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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