So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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