i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
