I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is the high leading the old right now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
