who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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