I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize