I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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