is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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