i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
