i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
