yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
