dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
