We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
