So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
