i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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