my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
organizing the empties. That sober.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
