I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
