I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
