so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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