He passed out mid-signature
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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