I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
