literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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