So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
