wakey wakey hands off snakey
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
