dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
