whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
