in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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