We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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