farters have to be the big spoon...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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