you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
