It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
