I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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