Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
