I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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