I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize