Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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