I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
smell my finger.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
