You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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