She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
