i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
