just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
