I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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