The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
