I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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