fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
