I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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