I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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