i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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