Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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