Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
