Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
