It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
