my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize