Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
