Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
