You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
